A better way to decide! Paul Smetana
I made balance sheets of the plus reasons to stay and the reasons to leave, and I still couldn’t make a decision. In fact every time I thought I had it nailed down, I would feel some powerful confusing emotion.
I found that my emotions couldn’t be trusted. One moment they were telling me to go, and the next to stay, and it kept me exhausted and distracted.
Then one day I found myself exploring a new idea, and it was this … Given all the time we were together and the general low-ish, overall sense of happiness and peace from the relationship, am I ok with more of that, or do I want something more. More happiness, peace, communication, more connectivity. And do I think it’s possible to get these wants of mine elsewhere, and am I prepared to take the risk?
And I was thinking that at the best of our time together, my happiness quotient was about ordinary, and a fair amount lower than that on average. So, did I think I could do better? You betcha!
This is not to say that my love was any less. Indeed these thoughts made my sense of love more, but the love I felt, didn’t equate with the happiness I wanted and wasn’t getting. I felt love and misery simultaneously.
The decision making paradigm, shifted from which feelings were the most true, to what life do I see for myself, and do I think it is possible to get that future where things could be better and happier?
Again, I thought the possibility of a happier future, was definitely filled with enough promise, to make it worth the risk.
It’s that sense of possibility of what the future might hold, that I want to pass on today. Forget your feelings as your guide, They really don’t work. Too confusing,
No, It’s my belief that if you consider your level of happiness today, and what it could be in the future, if you made the change, you have a good alternative system of decision making.
Let me add, this idea applies to any condition, whether in work, relationship, sense of self, of others, in fact any area where there is confusion, unsettledness, and disillusion, feelings are not helpful guides, but your dream of the life you want for yourself contrasting to the one you currently lead, might tell you a lot.
And speaking of good luck, my happiness has increased hugely. It took 10 years to find my mate for life, and in the mean time, I grew up. I was a 24 year old BOY when I first married, and after I left, slowly and painfully the boy became the man.
I started to be come aware of life’s tastes and feelings and possibilities. The challenges and risks to take were fun to play with. Central to growing up was Theater. Exploring conflict and emotion and character and relationships on and off stage was as eye and heart opening as was the surprise of how amazingly relevant all this “Acting Stuff” is .
Today life is wonderful. I have a wife, with whom there is happiness in endless abundance. I have a closeness and connection with the world that was once just the stuff of books and movies. I seem to be wonderfully moving more and more into moments of bliss, with more and more ease. Life is good! Don’t you just love a happy ending?
About the Author: Paul Smetana writes about Being Touched by Life.
He Feels that, Feeling Good does you and others, a wonderful good! He has spent most of his life believing that we can have a Life worth Living, Brimming with vitality and Joy. For Instant Access to Articles, e-books, and Resources on how to “Live Blissfully,” Visit www.betouchedbylife.com