SOLD: Beautiful Happyzine

There is a babbling idiot living inside my head. I refer to it as my mind, but it doesn’t seem to be ‘mine’ anymore. Over the years, it has become obsessed with trolling through events of the past, de-creating and re-creating them ad nauseum. And then, when it gets bored of that, it projects into the future, musing over the possibilites of what-if, creating anxieties about something that isn’t actually happening. Or alternatively it flies off on a daydream, imagining things or situations that it would enjoy. My mind spends so much time musing into the past or projecting into the future, that often I get swept up by it and taken along on its flighty trips. It’s in control of me, I feel like a helpless passenger, a mind-ensnared hostage. My mind has become so practised in its 43-year existence, that I often find myself thinking that I AM my mind; thinking that I am those fears, those anxieties, those hopes, those desires. But I’m beginning learn something. It’s not true. I am not my mind.

I’ll give it its due. It’s a pretty remarkable, calculation and organisation tool. I use it extensively at work as most of my work is analytical in nature. I could not do it without it. The trouble is, that for some reason I can’t fathom, once its analytical work is over, my mind gets
bored and looks for something to do and it creates the most inane and pointless thoughts.

Immediately it races back to the past to regurgitate what has already happened, or races to the future to speculate about what may or may not happen creating all sorts of imagined fears and desires. I don’t know the reason for this incessant activity. I don’t know why it won’t stop
and let me simply appreciate where I am and what I am doing right now, but I do know that it’s driving me crazy and I need to take control. I need to create peace of mind.

The remarkable and inspiring words of Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now have brought me to this point of recognition and they have told me what I need to practice. I am now getting to the point where I can recognise when my mind is wallowing in the past or future, which is most of the time. The next step, a giant leap no less, is to move my focus away from my chattering mind into the present moment. This, in the experience of Tolle, is a way of discovering your True Self and the absolute peace that comes with it. A veritable goal, who cannot say that they want that.

But the simple lesson, to move your focus from your mind’s thoughts into the present moment, is not so simple in execution. I’m trying to do it. I’ve found that initially, by taking attention away from my mind, it starts shouting louder, it really hates to be ignored, it wants to be heard and will do all it can to get its audience back. But sometimes with persistence, I get a moment, the tiniest moment, of calm and presence. Oddly, I’ve felt it make me want to laugh.

To laugh at the absurdity of what I thought was my life, perhaps?

So ,what now. I must continue my practice. I believe my mind will eventually give up its hold, return to its assigned function as human computer, and let me, the Real me, exist in the present moment. Right now, my practice is flawed and my success is fleeting, but my belief, if
nothing else, is absolute.

Tags: mind, now