SOLD: Beautiful Happyzine

I was raised by two traditional parents.  Maybe it was the influence of Christianity – which permeated my mother’s life, and was the bur in the hide of my father’s childhood so that he grew up and became a proud, feisty and rather over bearing atheist.  Mum was a nurse and Dad was a plumber – though he did keep branching off into various business ventures such as beekeeping and bus touring to name a few.  They humored my artistic, affectionate, and highly emotional temperament.  They gave me plenty of hugs and were always there to take care of things should situations arise such as sick children or blocked toilets.  There was a slight element of snobbery running through my family and I was raised to feel a little sorry for solo mums and people on government benefits.

So when I became one, a solo Mum, I struggled with the fear of what others thought of me.  I felt indignant that I should feel that way.  But despite my principles – very alone.  One part of me knew I was doing the right thing, and another felt judged (though perhaps mainly by myself).

In my opinion, the best way to deal with feeling ‘not good enough’ is to have fun and forget all about it. Because I am ‘good enough’, in fact there’s no-one else on this planet who can do ‘me’ any where near as well as I can.  Not even Angelina Joile.

And that’s what I’ve gone to a lot of effort to do over the past year or so – have fun – most obviously within the context of this blog.  So in keeping with that theme, today, when my friend Anna called in a great state of excitement to announce that she’d learned three songs from my album on the bass (and when could we have a jam?) I was  overcome with gratitude.  I was amazed, just amazed that she was urging me to come and make music, using my songs.  It used to be me rounding people up to create bands, or to practice for upcoming gigs, and now here was a lovely friend urging me – who had become the shy one – to hurry up and make some music.

Walking out the door with my guitar felt strange, wobbly (as if I was waking up from a long sleep), and kind of nice.  I was returning to an old life where music fed my soul and the new songs just kept flowing out of me, onto paper and into the lives of various band members.  My band friends were used to all the songs that would pour out of me, they were also really good at playing music.  So they’d just pick them up, in minutes.  Which was lovely.  I wasn’t anywhere near as experienced as they were, so I couldn’t have returned the favour.  All I could offer was … well … high spirits I suppose.  It was me who dreamed big, organised the practices, set up the gigs and the tours and who made up the new songs.  In turn they supported me by backing me up on stage and turning up for rehearsals again and again.  Sometimes we’d also make a little money, though were certainly weren’t living off our music. The build up to the gigs and the experiences we shared on stage still mean a lot to me.  I got to know those people, my friends, really well.  I love my band family – though we have different lives now.

Tonight as Anna and I jammed in front of our involuntary audience – Anna’s teenage son and the cat – I felt that familiar spark of joy creeping back through my cells.  As we practiced our three songs and slowly gelled together musically, the familiar satisfaction of creating beautiful music wove through us, binding us together so that we had to comit to making more music together soon.  It filled me up – our music making.

Now to book a gig … eeeee (Conehead squeal)!

Today’s rating: 10/10

365 Days of Fun and Chillaxation (as I raise my gorgeous son and grow my good news website to a subscription base of 100,000 people).  The Low Down on this Blog.

Check out yesterday’s blog.

Check out the story of my first ever ebook ‘Ten Ways to Have Fun and Chillax As You Live Your Green Dreams’

Tags: Music