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Don’t let earthquakes shake your relationship

The ‘new’ normality of Christchurch is beginning to mould our day to day reality. It might not be a desired kind of new and few of us are very excited or even liking this ‘new’ normal, but it is what it is. As the weeks turn to months since our ‘old’ normal was taken abruptly from us, relationships across the city are starting to show signs of stress.

Most will work through this, but some relationships, some families and many dreams will be torn asunder like the very fabric of our city. Life is different and household dynamics may have changed, therefore Chief Cupid and Romantic Gestures founder, Jody Worsfold says it is vital work to maintain their connection, communicate and set boundaries around any changes which might have been forced upon them.

“Don’t let an earthquake throw a spanner in the works of a perfectly good relationship. The quakes have taken a lot away from many people and it upsets me to think it might take relationships away from them as well.”

Many households are now converted to home offices, children are home at times they never used to be and the daily tensions are often being kept under wraps, bubbling away ready to erupt at the slightest provocation.

“No two people in Christchurch will be dealing with what has happened in exactly the same way. In a relationship, communication now is more important than ever before – as is empathy.

“One person might be going to work each day and life is fairly normal for them, the other could be at home struggling with new routines and realities. There might be a small aftershock which sends their heart racing. If they share how they are feeling and are brushed off, told they are being over sensitive or worse to harden up and get over it, this can cause a lot of damage. It’s important couples are listening to each other and validating what the other person is feeling.”

On the flip side of the coin, there are couples who are both working from home – this brings entirely new dynamics into the household. “Talk about things in advance. Share expectations around interruptions, chores, space and anything else which could arise. Communicate and deal with these things before they become an issue.”

Jody believes one of the best stress busters is for people to get away as often as they can. “It’s been two months now and we are all adjusting as best we can, but you get in your car and drive down the road, maybe through an area of town you have not been before and you see the destruction, which brings it all back. The only real way to get away is to go away.” And while Jody recognises that financially this can be hard for many, she encourages people to try their best for even one night away where you can relax together as a couple – or a family.

Another relationship revitaliser Romantic Gestures advocates is ‘Date Night’.

“Relationships take a lot of time and effort and I think people begin to forget that. It’s important to make the time to keep alive the feelings and reasons you got together in the first place. Without effort a relationship will stagnate – even the most perfect ones.”

By using a little imagination, and Jody recommends you take turn about, set a regular date night – once a week, one per fortnight or at  a stretch once a month. “What you do does not have to be grandiose and expensive – just special.”

Sure many of your favourite haunts may be closed because of the earthquakes, but what a great excuse to find some new ones, Jody exclaims.

“There are still plenty of restaurants open, so dinner out is not off the cards, just book early as walk-ins are often being turned away at the moment. Coffee and cake is a great afternoon or after dinner treat that is not hard on the budget or pack a picnic and go for a drive – yes it’s getting cold, but who says you can’t rug up or have a car picnic.”

It could be as simple as getting the children to bed, turning off the TV and playing a board game by candlelight with the winner naming their prize! Or simply sit around and talk and LISTEN to each other. Maybe you roll up your sleeves and cook a meal from start to finish together and leave the dishes for the morning. “Whatever it is, make it about the two of you having time together as a couple.”

Romantic Gestures send out weekly romance tips which will help ignite your imagination and plan something special for the one you love.

“Take a moment and remember you are not flatmates, or just bed pals, or just parents – you are in a relationship, treasure it, celebrate it and don’t take it for granted. The effort required to maintain a relationship is far less than that required to start all over again”

As a couple, what you have is stronger than the movement beneath the city; dedicate some time, imagination and love into your relationship and turn this disaster into a home advantage.  www.romanticgestures.co.nz

For Further Information:

Jody Worsfold

Romantic Gestures

Phone: 03 322 8808
021 152 8232

Email: [email protected]

Web:               www.romanticgestures.co.nz

Tags: love, relationships