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365 Days of Fun and Chillaxation – Blog#108 – River Memory.

Submitted by on August 3, 2010 – 9:46 pm 2 Comments

Here's another beautiful river - the Mokihinui - which will remain wild and thriving for ever and ever.

At present I am proving the overall hypothesis of this blog: increased happiness equals increased success.  It’s awesome.  There’s so much happening right now with Happyzine, and one of the things is the launch of online Positive Writing Course.  I’m working with eight people, who would like to explore the possibilities around positive writing.  One’s based in the UK, and the rest, I think, are based here in Aotearoa.  It’s really fun!

With the fun comes responsibility though and I’m finding myself hot in demand.  This is also because I’m running a similar writing course here in Golden Bay.  It’s only a two week affair, and it’s beginning this weekend.  I love talking about positive writing, such a passion of mine!  Such a great social change tool! Anyway, so onto the point of my blog – what with all the excitement and fullness of life on the Happyzine front, a girl has to take mini-holidays occasionally.  I took one today. With my son – Kahu – and my dog – Maia – at the local river.  We grabbed an ice block and headed across the rocks to sit in the sun and throw sticks for the dog.

Ahhh, the bliss of being near water watching two beings you adore romping merrily.  I sat there watching the water flowing past, all clear and inviting looking (not inviting enough to swim in though, it’s still winter) and relaxed.  My computer was a good three Kms away, so there was no way I could just take a tiny look at it, just in case.  Kahu wanted us to walk further down-stream and I realised, with a jolt, that the river bend we were walking towards, was the very place where four years ago, I’d wished for my baby.

A friend and I had been talking about our dreams.  I was in a stable relationship, I thought I’d found ‘my one’, and I was very, very clucky.   I announced my intentions and we decided to create a ritual.  We threw rocks upstream, whilst saying our wishes out-loud, so that we could ‘bring our wishes down-stream’ and into our lives.  Yes, upon that very river-bend I’d announced my wish to bring in Kahu.  And today, there he was, making his way towards that very spot, in his cute, bare-bottomed way.  It was a surreal moment for me, transporting me back to a pre-child time.

OK, time for a moment of parental sentimentality – that old cliche is true, nothing can prepare you for the reality of becoming a mother.  First the birth stretches you beyond anything you ever dreamed was possible (and I’m not just talking physically) and then the sleep deprivation kicks in, and so it goes on and on – the stretching.  This includes the magnitude of love that accompanies all the hard bits, a love so fierce, so heart opening, so primal, that all the giving required (that pre-child would have caused you to take to your bed after a mere day of it) is somehow possible and even, at times, breath-takingly wondrous.

So, there I was at the river, sitting on one of millions of warm boulders, recharging and loving my son.  Sigh.  It happens every day – the loving my son part.

Today’s rating 9/10

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  • abbe says:

    Thanks for sharing Charlotte; you’ve helped me today. Focusing on the growing love and bond I have with my daughter on a hard day is becoming easier over time as we get to know each other, and the extreme tiredness I feel is gradually diminishing.

    Mother of an 7 and a half month old

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  • Charlotte says:

    Thanks for your comment Abbe!
    I remember how challenging that first year or so was! It’s such a change, becoming a parent. Spirilina and raw foods helped me so much. And sharing with other Mummys. And having something to focus on other than my gorgeous boy (ie spending five minutes a day when I could manage it on starting Happyzine). I would like to say, as a parent who has always totally respected her son’s needs, and flowed at his pace, it got easier and easier on the sleep front. From around one and a half – two he naturally starting sleeping more and more, and at three he’ll sleep through, or maybe wake once at dawn.
    Lovely to hear from you and thanks for doing the most important, challenging, heart-warming job that ever existed.

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